So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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