im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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