OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
time to smoke my breakfast
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The power of my boobs compel you
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
