the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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