Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
