I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
