I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize