im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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