my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Dear god my vagina.
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