My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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