I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
