Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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