margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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