I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
