I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize