We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
