Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
