I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
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