that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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