woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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