before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
