Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
