Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Sext me about skeletons
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
