It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
