haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize