a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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