there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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