i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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