'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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