i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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