Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
