Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
