Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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