Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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