it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
