Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
