I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
