she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My breath smells like gin and sadness
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
