At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
