I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
