There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
