My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize