Duck Duck Cougar?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
