someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
