He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
