Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
