maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
