I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
