your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
