Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
