Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
