just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
