I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
