dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he fucked my hip out of place.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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