woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize