my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
