3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
