Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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