and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize