I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
