I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
