you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
