guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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