WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
