Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
