ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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