you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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