she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
