He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
