True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
