I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
