tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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