please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
