she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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