wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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