I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
