While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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