Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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