How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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