I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
