quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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