Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
