you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
