Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
God gave him joint rollers for hands
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
