We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
