I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
is wine microwaveable?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I am naked and annoyed.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
