Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Please don't give away my fajitas
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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