Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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