oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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