we have officially lost it.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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