never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
