i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize